Images of memories

Golden Compass

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 01:23:53 GMT

This movie was awesome. If you haven't seen it yet, go see it.

This test seems pretty kewl too.

I really like this concept. I would ask that if you do not know me you don't play around on this. I really want to see how this turns out. On the flip side. If you do know me. Please do this test so that I can see where I end up.

Thanks, and Later guys.

Traditions

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 21:43:57 GMT

Those who read my journal know that every New Years I post a list of things I did this year that I've never done before. So here goes.

Asked for books for Christmas (I'm such a geek), wrote creative non-fiction, watched my cat die, went to the food bank, stayed in a cabin for Valentines day, finally gave up on my family, watched Alice In Wonderland while tripping (would definitely suggest that), made ok money on art commissions, got my own pipe (thanks hon), learned to draw in color, realized I'm ready to have faith again, taught two cats to walk on a leash, taught a cat to play fetch, drank wine on Christmas morning, learned to cook with tofu.

This was a hard year. There are moments where I look at what we've been through and wonder how we made it. I'm lucky to have the people I have in my life. 2007 broke me in ways I wasn't ready for. It made me stronger, but it wasn't easy. I guess thats why I have this tradition. To look back at what I did during the year. To look at who I was a year before. That way I can move forward with hope, knowing that I'm getting better, even if I have a long way to go.

So today I start 2008 with a smile and a hangover.

Happy New Years.

Sakita

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 20:37:29 GMT

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Happy holidays to all.

SWEET! I'm not a NG Bard anymore. Go college.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 23:15:58 GMT

I Am A: True Neutral Elf Druid/Wizard (2nd/1st Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-17

Dexterity-18

Constitution-16

Intelligence-16

Wisdom-12

Charisma-16

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn't feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he's not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Elves are known for their poetry, song, and magical arts, but when danger threatens they show great skill with weapons and strategy. Elves can live to be over 700 years old and, by human standards, are slow to make friends and enemies, and even slower to forget them. Elves are slim and stand 4.5 to 5.5 feet tall. They have no facial or body hair, prefer comfortable clothes, and possess unearthly grace. Many others races find them hauntingly beautiful.

Primary Class:
Druids gain power not by ruling nature but by being at one with it. They hate the unnatural, including aberrations or undead, and destroy them where possible. Druids receive divine spells from nature, not the gods, and can gain an array of powers as they gain experience, including the ability to take the shapes of animals. The weapons and armor of a druid are restricted by their traditional oaths, not simply training. A druid's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that they can cast.

Secondary Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus</a></b> (e-mail)

Back In SLC

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 03:35:49 GMT

So we made it back to Utah in one piece. Nothing eventful happened. Just another eight hour drive.

I guess its normal to evaluate your life when you are close to completing a major goal. Next semester is my last one. No more college after that. For the first time in my life I feel like an adult.

Its good. Life is great. I've really come a long way. I look back at that one three credit summer english 101 class and the kid taking it, he'd never guess he'd turn into me. Hell, He wouldn't have associated with the likes of me. I was such an ignorant, naive child.

Now I'm almost finished and I can't help but wonder who will be looking back at me when I'm thirty, and would I even talk to that person. Life's curve balls. At least they keep it interesting.

I'm glad I made it through this. I'm glad that I've opened my eyes, even if what I see scares me.

Thank you all for being there for me. I never could have made it through without you.

Sakita

Two for the price of one.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 14:14:21 GMT

The smell of cinnamon stings the senses as I run my thumb over the collection of course coffee mugs. Sips of green bitter bring me back home. After living here you realize, the only thing worse than Utah's attempt at beer, is its failure at coffee. When you visit, I'll show you my favorite shops.

The parking lot is amazing. We park 10 feet from our stairs. Those old cold nights, parking on the other side of campus. Breathing out through my nose to keep from chocking on the cold. Getting home. Striping off layers and diving for the covers. Cuddling, sipping wine. So many memories in Miller hall.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 13:48:53 GMT

We hang the camera on the wall now. Hide and seek. Nights smoking in the bathroom. The fan on so no one can smell. Taking a hit while Derek and you played in the tub. Six months of memories, about 20 pictures. We have a hundred of him and miss you more every day.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 19:09:05 GMT

Graphite scratches on paper. I cross another off. It's sad how my life has been reduced. Red incisions removing gray tasks. The white of my life scarred in gray and red.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:35:55 GMT

Kiku, the Japanese word "to listen" and "to ask". It's strange how American that makes me feel. In Japan do husbands ask how your day was and tune out their wives' chatter.

Ha Bitches!

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 13:06:40 GMT

So Robert Jordan is dead. Why does this amuse me so. For years I've had friends pestered me to read his horrible books. I read one, it blew. Started the second, couldn't get through it, but the pestering continued. As a way out, I've always said "I'll read it after he finishes it". Well the crappy ass writer just bit the dust, leaving his last book unfinished.

I would officially like to say

"HA BITCHES! Not only do I not have to read it, you've waisted hours of your life on a story with no ending."

:D

Sakita,

To My Friends

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 00:58:26 GMT

I'm surrounded by porn and I love it. In Montana soft fish fillets are cooked cajun style. We watch the sunsets from our own window. In Utah we hide the porn, nuke burritos, and play video games long past dusk. I love both, Utah has you.

Sakita

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 03:47:06 GMT

I can feel the balance in the blade. The sculpted head snarls. Its made for show, but battle ready. I only buy knives I can use. Mine are normally dull, but you found this. Beautiful and blood thirsty, exactly how I want you to see me.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:27:39 GMT

He's washing and I'm drying. Our plates are white and blue, except two. They're savanna tan with lions on them, but not dishwasher safe. We've been together over two years. This is the first time I remember. You loose something when a machine does your dishes.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 05:08:00 GMT

Dear T,

I'm taking notes from Colonel Sanders. British modernism never seemed so deep fried. When he scrunches his shoulders, they squeeze like fingers, trying to pop his bristly white head. I wish you were here to whisper and giggle with.

I'm back!

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 22:40:03 GMT

So back in school. I know I've pretty much quit using this thing, but I have an idea for the up coming semester. One of my teachers is making me write daily postcards. Now being that this is a writing class, it can't be a list of my daily activities. It has to be 50 well crafted words. So from now on, I'm going to share them with you. Its a different spin on a journal, and could be some fun. Hope you guys like it. This is the first one.

I see him in my periphery as I gaze through the glass, screen, second screen and onto crafted, cultivated terrain where renegade golf balls beg crew cut lawns to keep them from the T and iron. Beyond lay wild fields we cant smoke in. We're like that, separated by nets, glass, and selves we built for others to walk on. Then we step past and grip like socks on shag carpet in that inferno waiting to happen.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 23:19:42 GMT

I just beat the poster chalenge on Kingdom Hearts 2.

I rock.

On another note.

My family can be nice. Who knew?

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 00:16:18 GMT

So I just called my mom. It's been a long time since I've seen her. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for this. She's supposed to call me back to tell me if she can make it to dinner tonight. Yeah. I'm not quite sure how I feel.

Traditions

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 01 Jan 2007 22:09:16 GMT

So I have this tradition. Each New Year's Day I write about all of the things I've done this year that I've never done before. The sad part is, I'm really struggling to come up with some this year. Is it possible that I've hit a rut in my life. If so, oh well. It's a good rut for now.

So here is the list.

Bought a motorcycle, learned to ride a motorcycle, got a joint loan with a boyfriend (for the motorcycle :P ), Tabled at AC (and sold art too), started an FA account, broke the 1 year mark with a boyfriend (we're past a year and a half now), got a new years kiss from my lion, stated yoga, learned to kayak, learned to animate, stuck with a major for an entire year, had sex outside (yeah, it took me that long), had a sister get married, made a bong, and I didn't get drunk on New Years Eve.

I guess the list is just as long as some of the others have been. This year has felt kind of weird. I'm not used to the kind of stability I have right now. Something about it scares me, but on the other had, its kind of reassuring. I know that Derek and I are going to be in Missoula for at least 4 more years. That's nice, and kinda scary. I guess that's something new. I've started a life with someone else. For once things aren't just a passing moment.

Happy New Year's. I hope your year was as good as mine, and your next one will be better than the last. In the end that's all we can really work for.

Sakita.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 02:54:34 GMT

I just wanted to tell everyone I am doing better. Thanks for all your calls and comments.

Fucked Up (Kiwa Please Don't Read This)

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 22:20:10 GMT

I would request that anyone who reads this not talk to Kiwa about it. It is not that I want to hide these thoughts from him. I need to get them out of my head and somewhere in the world. I also need advice from friends that will can only be reach by this means (Shelly and Julie, please respond). I do not want to remind Kiwa of what happened anymore than I have to. If you are reading this Kiwa, I'm not keeping things from you. I'm just worried and don't want to cause you anymore pain.

Kiwa and I got home from SLC aroud 6 PM on Sunday night. The weekend was fun, but busy. We smoked a bit of some new stuff we just got, stuff that was much stronger than we are used to. We were riding out our high watching TV when Kiwa flipped the channel to what I thought was a zombie movie.

At first I was thinking that is was just a really bad movie. There was a what looked like a dog with its face skinned off on the screen. Then as the people on the TV continued I came to a few sick realizations.

1. It was a wolf
2. They were skinning it alive.
3. This was a home video.

I told Kiwa to change the channel, but he just kept watching, so I grabbed the remote and changed it. I was a bit shaken, but I got over it. I have a pretty thick skin, and though some of those images are still in my head, I think I'm ok.

Kiwa isn't.

The images tourtured him all sunday night and all yesterday. We tried to go to bed early last night because of the lack of sleep the night before. He couldn't sleep. I stayed up late trying to distract him from any thoughts that would bring his mind back to the images that were plauging him. I haven't seen him yet today because my class starts before he gets out of bed on tuesdays, but I'm really worried. I haven't seen him this ripped up ever. He's remarkably strong, but this hits him harder than I thought anything could.

I find myself more torn now than I have been in years.

I am angry at the people who would be crule enough to do such things to any living creature. After talking to a few friends today I have found out this kind of thing is more common than I thought, and it is often done by males around my age. I have come close to vommiting a few times today.

I am angry that someone would put such graphic and disturbing imagery on tv. I fear for all the children who saw this. For the first time in my life I am thinking about calling a tv station and complaining about programing's content. I am very anti-censorship. I believe that people have a right to not watch what they don't want to. I did not want to see that and never want to see something like that again. Should I fight to have such images censored even if it means censoring other images that I would not find offensive? I am the kind of person who doesn't like watching R movies on tv because I hate when things are cut out. This some how is different, despite being the same.

I am angry at the animal rights activist that use this kind of imagery to evoke a response. This is the same as the preachers who claim that natural disasters are the fault of homosexuals. This is the same as the using 9/11 to start a war. This is wrong.

Most of all I am angry at myself. I got on the bus on my way to school today and a man with camo hunting gloves sat next to me. I was angry at him for his very existance. I wanted to hit him. I wanted to confront him and ask him if he thought those kind of things were ok, and if he did, I wanted to hurt him. I have tried with all my might not to judge people that way, but I am doing it. It makes me sick.

I am disgusted with myself. I keep going through images in my head of beating the activist that put this on tv. I want to hurt them for the pain that they caused Kiwa. He doesn't diserve this. He is one of the most animal friendly activists I know. Though I say the reason I am a vegitarian is because of a trade for swing dancing, the truth is, I love him so much that I can't do something that goes so against his beliefs. To see him attacked this way breaks my heart. The fact that he feels like he deserves to see these images and that he feels like maybe he never should have stopped exposing himself to similar materials; I don't know how do describe how that makes me feel.

I don't know how to resolve how I feel right now. I am angry at so many people and I don't know a single one of them. All I know is I feel fucked up and I haven't felt this fucked up since I realized that the LDS religion was a load of bull and everything I had built my life on was fake.

Kiwa was talking about going to see a shrink last night. I think I might need one as well.

4 + football fanatic = 75

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 00:46:40 GMT

As some of you know I went to a lock in to buy some Cat / Griz tickets. The Bobcats are our rivals, and being that there is nothing to do in MT, the rival game is a big deal. Long story short. I bought the tickets for 4 bucks a piece and sold them for 75 each. Yeah for supply and demand.

On another note, any of you who watch my FA account will notice I've been in production mode. It feels really good to get back into an art swing. I also had a friend who is thinking about submitting another comic story, and being that the first concept artist he used was a jackass, he asked me to do some. This means I might get paid to draw, and not $15 dollars a pic. More like 1500 for a portfolio of concept art. That would be nice.

So that's my highlights. Sorry I haven't updated more this semester.

Type ya later

Sakita.

So I just finished waxing my face for the frist time.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 20:32:03 GMT

So yeah, if asked what I'd rather wax, my balls or my face, I'd take my balls. I have just finished my first facial wax, which has been a week long ordeal. Because the hair was so thick, I had to do some spots over and over again. Only problem, you can only wax a spot so many times before the skin gets really sore, and you're forced to wait till the next day.

On the bright side, I don't have a dark under lip for the first time since I was 13. There is definitely some tech to this, and it took me a few days to figure it out. Hopefully next time will be easier. If it is, I think I will make a permanent switch from shaving to waxing.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 04:02:15 GMT

Animation is tedious. That is all.

-- Sakita Star

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 03:59:10 GMT

Lifestyler

You scored 67% Furriness!

The fandom is more then just a hobby for you, it's a definitive part of your life. In fact, I'm willing to bet that you have a collection of furry art of your computer, a mountain of plushies somewhere in your house, and a fursuit or two stashed up in your closet.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Furriness

Link: The Furry Test written by Rimpala on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Some times people surprise me.

sakita_star@yahoo.com — Wed, 20 Sep 2006 04:57:42 GMT

So I'm sitting at Finigans (a Denny's knock off) with one of my Japanese class mates. We were taking a break from japanese when he asked me about the comic I was working on. I guess he had over heard me and Alisha talking about the comic. Alisha is my writing buddy and reviews a lot of my scripts and stories. Anyway, he started asking about the comic, and he wanted to know about the plot and stuff, then wanted to see the concept art. Then he says "You know, I bet this would sell really well to those furry sex people." So I said, "That's who I'm pitching it to."

He was totally cool about it. Didn't skip a beat.

It just goes to show, if you have confidence in yourself, most people are cool with you just being you.

On other notes. I think I am starting to get back into the swing of school. I finally feel like I have a grasp on this stuff. Which is nice. I just had to remember what its like to really bust your butt.

Laters

--Sakita Star.